Matt is strong

When we were first told about Matt's tumor, I fell apart.  I had to find a way to hold it together when we went back into Matt's room in the ER so we could tell him without falling apart again.  That was one of the toughest moments of my life.  Matt immediately knew it meant brain surgery and wanted nothing to do with it.  He's a very inquisitive child and began asking questions.  He asked what would happen if we left the tumor in his brain.  We tried going around the question, gently letting him know that surgery was important.  Finally, he looked into Jason's eyes and said, "Dad, tell me.  Tell me what will happen if we leave it there."  Jason answered Matt's question simply and honestly.  Matt's demeanor changed as he became more serious and he said he wanted to have it taken out.  He didn't look scared, he looked ready to fight.

There were only a few times in the hospital when Matt was truly scared.  Even when he did become scared, he never screamed or cried.  It was amazing.  I still cannot get over the courage I saw in my little boy.  It is something I will always carry with me as I face my own trials.  The night before surgery he said he was afraid of dying or waking up during surgery.  I climbed into bed with him and held him in my arms.  I asked him if he wanted to say a prayer.  He folded his arms, bowed his head, and offered a simple, heartfelt prayer to our Father in Heaven.  He asked for peace.  A few minutes later he was sound asleep.  

The night before surgery, settling in for the night.

A couple hours after surgery Matt had a seizure.  Doctors had not warned us about this, because they didn't think it would be a problem for Matt since he had no seizures prior to surgery.  During the seizure he lost the ability to talk or move his eyes.  Also, he lost control of his left side.  Thankfully I was allowed to remain by his side during the entire ordeal.  Doctors would ask him to stick his tongue out and while he couldn't stick it out, we could see his tongue moving inside his mouth.  They asked him to squeeze their hands and he would squeeze tightly with his right hand.  When asked to move his feet, he moved his right foot and leg as much as he could.  As they prepped him for a CT scan to make sure all was okay (and it was), I had time to hold his hand and talk to him.  Occasionally I asked him to squeeze my hand and every time he responded with a gentle squeeze.  Eventually I didn't even need to ask.  As soon as he felt me take hold of his hand, he would squeeze mine.  His hand seemed so tiny and to me he seemed so frail.  However, as I have thought back to this, I have realized how strong he was.  He never gave up or stopped showing us he was there.  He fought hard and pulled through.

Once he knew he was allowed to get out of his room to go on walks, we could hardly keep him in his room.

During recovery he constantly challenged himself.  The first few times he stood up proved difficult because he was very dizzy.  That didn't stop him from wanting to get out of bed, though.  One day when he saw his reflection in a small bathroom mirror for the first time after surgery, he immediately made a face in the mirror that looked exactly like this:  

This is what we call Matt's determination face.  It's his "I'm going to fight this," kind of look.  We've seen it a million times before and were so happy to see it come out that day.  

The day we came home from the hospital was just six days post surgery.  If you had stopped by our house that day, you would have found Matt outside with his friends.  He played hard that day.  The next day was Sunday and he stayed for all three meetings.  He came home excited about the lessons he learned in Primary.  He has really enjoyed learning from the Old Testament this year.  He sometimes tires easily and wears himself out when he plays too hard, but I am reminded everyday of his incredible strength and persistence.  

Six days post-op